Family Update

I've never been taught so much by someone who said not a single word...well to be clear, I know it is God teaching me through my relationship with my new son.

My wife, Jill, and I have always known that someday we'd adopt. In fact, the feeling was so mutual and so strong, we had even begun to figure it was God preparing us for infertility. As time passed, God gave us three boys by birth...but our desire to adopt never left.

Knowing it would be lengthy, we began our South Korean adoption process when our youngest was only 8 months old. Almost a year later we saw pictures of our son for the first time. What a picture of perfection. His grin alone was infectious. He was a perfect fit.

Joshua is now 17 months old and has been a part of our family here in St. Louis now for eleven weeks...and I have such a pain in my heart. Now I'm not talking of the pain in the foster parents eyes when they said goodbye...not the pain in the ears of the people on the long flight with a toddler crying the whole time...not the pain in my back when he wanted me to stand and hold him that whole flight...not the pain of sleeping on the floor with him...not the pain in my wife's eyes when we look at each other and wonder how to understand and take care of a scared little boy...not the pain in his eyes when he looked around and saw nothing familiar...

No, those pains are fading. Joshua is so quickly becoming a part of us. Even our seven-year-old said, "Joshua doesn't look Korean to me anymore. He looks more like us." It was his way of expressing his own attachment to his new little brother.

But this pain is still there. I guess God is teaching me about His character...and I realize daily how much of His refining I need to move myself closer to His character.

You see, here was this little boy that was so scared, lonely, and exhausted. Here I was doing everything I could possibly do to protect, care, comfort, and love him. He rejected it all. He couldn't see it...he couldn't see that my wife and I were it...we were his earthly protectors, caregivers, comforters, and parents from now on. No matter what I did, he rejected.

I really expected that Jill and I would be solid...that no matter what, we'd soar through it as we had with our biological boys...but honestly I didn't take rejection well. I thought to myself: "Doesn't he see that I'm trying to protect him? Can't he know how hard it is to care for him? Why can't he see it is safe to relax and sleep here? Does he not feel my love? He's frankly not loveable right now."

But then it hit me like a brick...like a really big brick. I am like Joshua to my adopted heavenly Father. I get scared, lonely, and exhausted, and I reject His protection, care, comfort, and love. Me! I'm His adopted son and I run away from the One...the only One who is my father from now on.

But then came another brick...an even bigger brick. I realized that I am so far from being like my adopted Father when it came to my attitude to my adopted son. God has always loved me. Even before I acknowledged Him...even when I run from Him...even when I reject His love. God's love for me is perfect, steadfast, and never-ending.

So my pain...well to me now my relationship with my adopted son is a reminder of my God and His adoption of me. A boy that I choose to love...not because he is perfect...not because of his infectious grin...not because he is always loveable...I choose to love him because he's my son...forever.

Thank you Joshua for teaching me so much about our heavenly Father. I pray that someday you too can experience a different kind of adoption with me. I also pray that I can love you and your brothers more like God does everyday.

Jill and I...and Joshua...want to express our sincere thanks to Kinsman Redeemer. Our prayer is that through our experience and testimony, many others in our church and community can recognize the needs of the orphans around the world and many will begin to support them through donations or by starting their own adoption journey.

Alan is the Minister of Childhood Education at the First Baptist Church of Ellisville, MO. Jill is a stay-at-home mom and homeschool teacher to their boys: Micah 7, Nathanael 6, Caleb 2...and their new son, Joshua 1.